Developmental trauma is when an infant or child, misses out on one or more of their non negotiable and normal needs for healthy development; the need to be Seen, Soothed, and made to feel physically and emotionally Safe. When kids get enough of this, they imprint security in mind and body.
This helps their brain, nervous system and sense of Self develop in a way that imprints trust of self, world and others. The body can meet the moment without bracing against it. These people are much MUCH less likely to develop autoimmune disease, chronic pain, environmental illnesses and all the syndromes I work with
When these needs are not met, the entire organism shifts into a state of distress, and then protection for this, which we know as a stress response. This is not pathology, it is wise survival.
Our essential sense of Self is never damaged. But it will begin to be protected by the body in layers of stress responses and bracing. Over time without support (being seen, soothed, safe) to switch back into rest and repair, these will cause the body to break down and we will develop disease.
The mind will develop protectors like vigilance, people pleasing, achieving, pushing through, perfectionism, chronic victimhood, over planning, rigidity (rigidity helps us manage internal chaos from undigested and unsupported experience).
So the undernourished child grows into an undernourished adult who is then offered myriad ways to soothe their pain, none of which are bad or wrong. We have a very real needs for connection, safety, belonging. Our wise system will reach for it any way it can to survive. And along comes the Wellness industry. Not a drug, or alcohol, so what’s the harm?
The global wellness industry worth $6.3 trillion is a bullseye match for our preexisting hypervigilance that is constantly threat seeking and constantly looking for safety. We seize upon the diet, the supplements, the 30 day course. We find all the ways to ‘fix’ ourselves, which is another direct bullseye kick to the young part of us feeling shame to be as they are.
We can eat to soothe this psychophysiological distress. We can starve to feel control of this distress. Wellness diets beccome a way we both manage and mimic the alternating chaos and rigidity inside.
Maybe if we detox enough, we can cleanse out that shameful part of us right? But we don’t even know it is there, because it is hidden under layers of stress responses causing very real often severe physical and emotional symptoms that redirect our attention onto a manifestation of a deeper root of emotional pain.
Along comes an authority figure. Another bullseye hit to where we had to disown our own body’s knowing and defer to adults and systems that harmed us. So of course we trust the influencer with his books, or his celery juice, or his biohacking, or his supplement range for your broken brain.
It goes on and on. The constant highjacking of a tender human system so vulnerable to fear and pushing through, and so in need of a village to hold them long enough, softly enough, to grow home to themselves. But instead are given quick fixes, another perfect match to the constant urgency they feel inside.
Wellness says try harder, do more, figure it out and then you will heal. You have to earn it. For the adult of the child that learned to live in ways that always felt viscerally hard, this is so achingly familiar so it must be how we heal right?
All of this pisses me off more than I have words for. I am someone who lived through this. I know many who did not make it through the resultant physical and mental health complications that come from leaning into this world to extremes.
The need for belonging is so deep in all of us, but especially for those with trauma. So these groups that can be more like cults, offer us that. But then we are surrounded by others fear, rigidity, chaos, and it can be a recipe for very severe outcomes. That world is mostly online, digital, and not connected to reality The consequences unfortunately are very real.
You are designed to recover so your history is not your destiny. We are all capable of change and growth. And when the focus becomes on growing resilience, skills to meet ourselves, community to hold us, we can bounce back beautifully. The focus must be on teaching people how to flourish, outside of their known ways of surviving.
There are no shortcuts, no hacks, no silver bullets for long term physical and emotional wellbeing. Health is biological, psychological and deeply social. We aren’t all healing with the same set of circumstances. Being unwell is not a failure. Challenge and trauma will come for most of us. We need to be supported to walk through that together in unique ways and unshame that vulnerability
We are also allowed to be disabled. We are allowed to have differing needs and have these supported to live a full life. We are allowed to belong and be worthy just as we are. These are the messages of support that allow us over time to unwind the valiant armour our mind and body put in place to protect us and grow greater wellbeing individually and collectively.
So please consider when you consume wellness content
Does it make me feel more braced, or more supported?
Do I trust myself more or less?
Do I feel more lack, or more that I am/have enough?
Do I grow resilience and confidence, or not?
Do I feel more urgency or more peace?
Do I allow myself to be nourished physically, emotionally, relationally, or am I undernourished (it will never be in only one domain)
Why am I taking all these supplements? Are they helping? Btw if you are in chronic stress your cells don’t take them in, so you just have expensive pee!
Do I need to drink celery juice? Or put things up my bum today in the name of wellness? Or do I need to listen to the birds and connect to myself a little more?
Am I considering my health in a biopsychosocial way or just fixating on what I can control with diet and wellness?
Is this influencer I follow living a life in integrity? ie, not in Bali gentrifying it up :)
